A couple of days ago, I stopped posting here for a little while, cause I was worried that doing this, and talking to this gay boyfriend, who doesn't exist, might be actually the thing that was making me depressed. But I realize now that its not that at all, every time I write a little loving message here to him, who ever him is, I get this little burst of happiness. In some way the fantasy lives, If only for a moment, and my heart soars.
I'm so unsure of anything anymore. I just want to die, everything would be so much fucking easier if I just died!