Well here I sit again, on a Saturday afternoon, just so over living and life; I have made a realization today - that the friends that I have are not really friends. None of them actually care about me. I read an interesting article the other day at about if you would take the straight pill, you can read about it here http://kindagayblog.com/would-you-take-a-straight-pill/ - And for the record, I would 100% take the straight pill, life would just be a lot fucking easier but it was a comment towards the end, from a guy called Stephen Delaney, that broke my heart:
"Steve Delaney · Northwestern University.
Yes, I would take the
pill. I'm in my fifties, and I would give anything to live my life again
while I was heterosexual. Being gay sounds like an endless party, and
it can be as long as you are young and good looking. If you are over 35
and you aren't drop-dead gorgeous, don't have a fantastic body,
oversized genitals or enough money so that nothing else matters, you are
alone. You may have many friends but you will go home alone, because
all the men your age are looking for twentysomethings for the night. You
will end up alone, middle-aged and frustrated, always wondering if
people really like you or if they just tolerate you. Its different if
you are gay and in your twenties now, because the world is more open to
you than ever before, but I wonder what it will be like when you are
middle-aged. I hope it is better than it is for me."
Just for the record Steve, things ain't! The facts of the matter - that you stated so eloquently are exactly correct. It sucks. But it seems that its the way things are.
I think, no I know, that my friends tolerate me, and try to accommodate me when it suits them. But I'm done with them all. So over it, time for a new life, new friends or time for no life at all.