My life update

Well I should start by saying that right now I'm really depressed. Everything is so screwed up. My head is definitely the worse of the screwed I think. There is nothing that I can do to make everything ok. Nothing. I can't see myself in any better situation - ever. I have deluded fantasies and I need to accept that. I live a life in which I know that which I dream about can never come to be.

I realised today as well, that the excessive skin that I have, due to me been so fat, is never going away, so really Whats of the health kick - because what's it for anyway, a deluded fantasy that's never going to come to pass. Not in this lifetime. 

And you know no matter what I do to try and quite my head and just settle & calm the fuck down; nothing works. I wish for death. I pray everyday that god will take me and relieve me if this burden of life. But that's not going to happen either. I need to just be happy with my lot, and I should be. Every aspect of my life is pretty awesome compared to this - I mean I have some issues, but nothing that can't be resolved. I just want it to end.

But solider on none the less I suppose.