Omfg what am I doin

Well I decided since this weeks end is it - well monday actually. I would come out, so here I am in Brisbane.  It's simply reiterated what I already know...to many pretty boys, no one is interested. Im just not ever going to be attractive, no matter how in shape I am. I even got rejected at the sex club - so there you go!!! I thought i wasn't that ugly - but it's clear now that my beautiful friends, whom I love dearly, have lied toe again. I wish I hadn't believed them.  I'm thinking hanging now. In fact I'm pretty certain of it. I just hope that I'm not too chicken shit to go through with it. I need to die, I understand that now. I die and everything is reset. Stephs life, my life - everyone's life. I don't deserve to live  - I simply don't - the sooner I realise that the better off ill be. I just wish now that I would have been successful in trying to kill myself the first time, when I was 15 - if I would have succeeded then, none of this shit would have come to pass. None of it. I need to be brave enough - make sure that I do what I have set out to do. I feel so lucky and so annoyed that all these great ppl have come into my life - I hope that none of them are hurt. But I am sure they will be. Stupid of me. I should have never got others involved in my sad little existence - and then hopefully everything would be alright. I have thought about chasing everyone away. But there is no point, it will take too long. I need to write letters. Steph is going to work tomorrow night, so I will write letters then & she is working again the next night and that's the night that it's going to happen. I'm nervous but excited too. It's all over. What a joyous thought. Sheer happiness. Love you, I hope we are together in the next life. I wish I could have been with you for this one. Love You xxx ooo